So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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