i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
