Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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