i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
