How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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