I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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