At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
