the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
