I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
