sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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