THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
