Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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