I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
