Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
