I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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