Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
