i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
