I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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