the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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