i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
