Yo dont text me then not text me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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