Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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