my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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