The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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