In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
