Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
