i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
