the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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