i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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