Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize