His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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