saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
