To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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