thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
cat food counts as protein by the way
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
