the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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