Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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