Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
