I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
