I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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