We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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