Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
