What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
