Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
this hospital has no fireball
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
