So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
