he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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