Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
