Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
