A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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