I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
