i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
