I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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