I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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