So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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