i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
