I just pynch a tree in the face
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
