I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
