maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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