I looked at my own cervix.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
