btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
