I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
