Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i love accidental penises.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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