im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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