This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
