Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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