anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
