Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
