I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
