oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
