I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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