My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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