i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize