my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
